just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
