My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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