If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
