everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
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