Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
