Are my feet made of real feet?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
