I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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