Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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