Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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