he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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