I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
