left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
