Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm bleeding and have questions
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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