I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
