i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
