You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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