marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
