The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
