There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Randomize