I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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