every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
