There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Randomize
