I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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