Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
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