So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you win again, gameday.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
