no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
