Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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