if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
