thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
