Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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