Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
