HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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