Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
