we have pet lesbian snakes
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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