Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
