Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
