im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
