Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If that was your dad, he is hot
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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