She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
