Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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