If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
