Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Rumble strips road head = magical
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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