omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
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That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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