I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
