You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
