I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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