She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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