We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
