TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
