Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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