had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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