hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
