The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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