my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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