Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
