I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
