WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
