Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
