Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
