The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
