I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
