My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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