Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
