I am in a vortex of obligation.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize