Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
