If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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