1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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