The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
