And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
