Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
my penis made a compromise with my morals
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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